tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
