Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
