I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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