That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
