I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
