you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
