if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
