i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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