Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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