then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
