THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
