Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
