dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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