just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
