is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
