She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
