can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
