FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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