I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
