it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
