Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
