Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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