What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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