You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
