i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
