yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
