Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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