i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
