He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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