It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
