i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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