Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
