i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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