So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
