is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
