I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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