Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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