Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
