Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
