when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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