it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
