I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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