Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
