I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
