Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
