I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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