Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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