I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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