I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
