Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
