Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
