I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are we still banned from the library?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
