Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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