probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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