All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
