If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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