do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
