Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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