Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
