Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
