Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize