your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
