did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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