Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
