I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
