Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We left the knife in your bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
