Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
