i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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