Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
