How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
