ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
