I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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