you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
