so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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